As we slug along in life we accumulate a lot of stuff. As long as there is a place to store it; we’ll worry about it later. The real problem is keeping things you think your children want. Or worse yet, leaving behind a mess for your children to take care of when you’re gone. When you think about the legacy you’re leaving focus instead on creating memories now they can treasure, not the pile in the attic. No one wants your stuff and besides, St. Peter won’t let you drag it into heaven.
I don’t remember my McMahon grandparents hoarding a lot of junk, they travelled a lot over the years, so they carried a lighter load. My Grandmother Lawson, however, was definitely a hoarder. Her cellar and garage were packed full of shit no one in their right mind would want or need. When she died the junk went directly into our cellar. What exactly were we going to do with Grandma Lawson’s old dresses and orthopedic shoes? Well, on rainy days we’d dress up in them like they were Roman Togas and have wooden sword fights in the cellar. (No cable TV then). Other items people leave behind are antiques and tea sets. We now drink coffee by the gallon, so who wants a 4 oz coffee cup with a saucer?
We’re all guilty of stockpiling. Diane saved 27 plastic storage bins for the boys stuff: report cards, socks, trophies, books, hair locks, etc. One Father’s Day weekend we made them all sort through their stuff since we were downsizing. They each kept one box against their will. Diane kept asking, “Are you sure you don’t want this?” Nope, in reality it was her memories being stored and not theirs. After our parents passed away, I’ve made it a point to shed my stuff and give it to people who need it more than me. If I haven’t worn a piece of clothing in a year, then it goes to charity. The trouble is my charity items often end up back in the closet. Diane will say, “that shirt looks so nice on you.” I don’t know how that could be given the last time I put it on was when Bill Clinton was President. Out you go.
Because of my recent health challenges, Diane and I have spent considerable time updating our wills, cleaning up our records, identifying important things (guns / jewelry). I think we’re unique, most people we know don’t even have wills after being married for decades. It’s been a healthy exercise which we probably wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t had so many health set backs. Isn’t that ironic? We both don’t want to leave behind a mess for our children to manage or fight over. I’m personally not sure what they want of mine other than one item. I have a navy blue sweatshirt from Notre Dame that has yellow embroidered letters IRISH across the chest. I bought it at the Bookstore in the late 80’s and it’s my favorite piece of clothing. There is just something deeply comforting about it for whoever slips it on. The boys have constantly fought over it, so whenever it ends up missing now I send out a warning note and it sheepishly returns. One time David took a picture of himself and texted his brothers, “Look what Dad gave me!” It took less than a New York second for my phone to ring off the hook demanding explanations.
We’ve all seen and experienced families fighting over stuff left behind by our parents including sharp words and even lawsuits. When you’re on the outside looking in it all looks childish to the casual observer. The main reason for the battles is the lack of written instructions; families base ownership on unrecorded comments, references, and misunderstandings. With the referees out of the picture it becomes difficult to decide what your parents really wanted. So, do you and your children some favors: set up a will, inventory the jewelry / guns/ and expensive shit, and unload all that crap in the garage long before you scoot or become nutty. It’s not that difficult; that’s why God invented estate attorneys. Most important, spend more time with your children while you are able and less time toiling with your crap that they don’t want anyway. Unless its that sweatshirt. Slainte.
This was great! After cleaning out Mom’s, then , having to decide what to do with my precious Dads stuff, I did a huge downsize. Live life to the max…. You are a prime example of the way to live! Slainte!🍀
Mary, thanks for reading! I just can’t stand junk anymore; I’d rather travel lightly. Hope to see you in FL sometime. Pete
Great blog Pete. Thank you 🍀
Cleaning up after both of my parents left this mortal journey at different times was a task not welcomed. My Mother has dresses and outfits where she had never worn or removed the tags. She went first and Dad could never throw any of her things out.
There was a will but only related to final expenses and money. My Brother and Sister were very concerned about both. They continually asked what do you want? I insisted that I didn’t need anything however they insisted that I come and inventory the estate.
I made to trip from Alabama to South Carolina and submitted to their request. After walking through the house I assured them there was nothing I needed.
when I started to leave I seen the corner of a picture frame that seemed familiar working out of a large garbage bag. It caught my attention and I pulled it out of the bag.
It was a picture of a tiger climbing down a tree in a lush green forrest. The leaves and foliage were embroidered by hand but the interesting thing about this picture is that the Tiger was fashioned by hand pulled hair fibers. I asked both my siblings could I have the picture. Both stated that old thing. It had fallen from the wall and resided behind the television for who knows how long.
So I thought that I would take this home and have it reframed. Mostly because it was a gift to my Mother from a dear friend that she had met while we were stationed in Hawaii.
Her friend was a Filipino lady who had practiced this art form all her life.
So I got home and carried it to a local frame shop to have a nice frame made for it. The owner of the frame shop was a nice lady who looked at it curiously and ask, where did you get this? I told her the story of my Mother’s friend and how it was a gift to her. Then I told her how I came in possession of it and had retrieved it from the trash.
Then to my surprise she told me that it was a dying art that was being lost. The hand pulled hairs made this piece very valuable. She stood there and marveled at the picture.
I sheepishly asked, what do you think it is worth. She said I would put the value of this piece at approximately $8,500 and it will continue to increase in value over the years as this art is very rare now.
I know that this is a long comment but I say this as don’t look beyond what we might find useful but rather the reasoned it was treasured. My Mother did not realize the value of this piece but she valued the friendship and the love of this friend.
Rodney, great story to share with people. The hard part about estates is no one has to deal with it but a couple of times in a life. It’s complex. Add to it the emotional difficulty of planning in advance for something unpleasant. I hope you are well. Pete
I’ve got a stack of ND football programs.. I’m absolutely positive I’ll “review” again when I retire..
Thanks Pete
Jim, keep the ones where ND won, no point hanging onto losers. We are going to Stanford and BC, so maybe I’ll see you on campus. Pete
Once again you nailed it. Are you sure you are not talking about me??? Actually the will and trust are done. The fire pit is about to be built. Soon we’ll enjoy watching tax returns from the 80’s going up in smoke as they roast our marshmallows.
More words of practical wisdom.
Thanks for sharing Pete.
Cindy and I recently downsized.
The process was painful, but it feels good now that we’re on the other side.
Now we focus less on our stuff, and more on the grandkids.
This is wonderful. I really enjoy your posts.
I have my will, and other things done so my children don’t have to. I am in the process of sorting through things that are memories for me. Hopefully, it will be done, so they don’t have to.
Again perfect…🍀..Thanks for your words…🍀
I toss stuff all the time! My husband jokes one day I will toss him out. Lol!
I learned the hard way thought, cleaning out my parents home 3 yrs ago. And a will, is a must.
Pete,
This is so spot on to where we are in life. When my Mother in Law passed a few years ago the house cleaning was tedious. We kept a lot of stuff and put it in the cellar to see if anybody wanted it. Nobody did so we have been throwing it out ever since then.
It made Lisa and I think that we need to do a cleansing at some point so we don’t put our kids through the same tedious process.
Great post my friend.
Be well,
Tom
Tom, do you remember when you and I cleaned out The Cabin next door and found that bottle of German wine from 1945. We almost drank it , but I gave it to my father for his birthday. He said, “I’ve been looking for this since I came back from the War.” Probably wasn’t as good as Boone’s Farm Tickled Pink. Just sayin.’.
I loved your Dad and Mom, Peter. I can see him saying that about the lost bittle of wine. Marsha and I hung out in that cabin sometimes. Such a beautiful and memorable place. I still have a bottle of whiskey of Uncle Undy’s. Time to really start diwnsizing/cleaning out. Take care.
A shared sentiment. For years, our Christmas presents have been family adventures or outings of some sort. No trinkets required.
Family trips are great Christmas gifts; we do the same!
Another great blog, we have an up to date Will but I do have boxes and boxes of old stuff for the kids – which I know they don’t want!!! One day when we downsize the house it will go I promise xxxx
This one hits home today!!! Thanks again for sharing!
This is awesome, as always. ❤️
This is outstanding Pete, especially being first hand on dealing with my parents mess and two out of the four siblings milking the parents estate. Monies monies and shit is shit!
I rather have my parent had all of this wrapped up as I begged them then say I’ll do it later. What a mess it’s been 2 1/4 years later!
This is outstanding Pete, especially being first hand on dealing with my parents mess and two out of the four siblings milking the parents estate. Monies monies and shit is shit!
I rather have my parent had all of this wrapped up as I begged them then say I’ll do it later. What a mess it’s been 2 1/4 years later!
Love it!! We all have something like that, my dad’s flannel jacket, all these years later I might have it in my car and my mom gets cold and I hand it to her, and she’s surprised and comforted at the same time! I love y’all! Stay well!
I absolutely loved this, I’m totally on board for leaving a will. That sweatshirt will be a point of contention for sure, I wouldn’t want to make the call for that one!😂
I’m sure you remember well what Diane and I went through at Our parents house, it was a nightmare all the way around. I know for a fact, our stuff will be sent to Goodwill, the day after we pass. Great words of wisdom!
Why wouldn’t you want 10 lawnmowers and 32 bald tires?
Loved it Pete! Susan and I just spent 4 hard days cleaning out her mother’s house and barn. Filled up 2 construction dumsters.. Not kidding.. We are committed to not doing the same thing to our kids. Like Diane, I am the one that struggles with getting rid of stuff that I believe has “value”. Working on it though!
Randy, how many coffee cups or T-shirts do you really need? Pete
What about the 30 hammers?