Out of the Woods

You’ve heard the phrase, “are they out of the woods yet?”  It refers to someone struggling with something difficult like Health, a rotten marriage, being a Cubs fan, etc.  Getting cancer reminds me of getting lost in the woods –  it can happen to anyone, but if it does, don’t panic. Although Nature is full of beauty, things go wrong real quick if you’re unprepared and over react.  If you don’t believe me read the book “Death in Yellowstone” sold in the The National Park Service bookstores.  It’s full of great stories of people getting lost and driving their snowmobiles off cliffs, getting chased by grizzly bears, etc.  Rule of thumb when facing danger: don’t panic. 

One Winter I went up to a hunting camp with friends packed with booze, guns, and zero common sense.  In late afternoon I took a walk behind the camp, but forget to tell anyone where I was going.   While I was wandering, my friends set up a target range behind the camp unaware I was back there.  Dodging bullets, I crawled down the snow bank and fell into the river.  At this point the sun had set, I’m completely wet, and the temperature is below freezing.  I couldn’t see the horizon and I had no idea where the camp was.   I then panicked thinking I was going to freeze to death so I started running in all directions until I collapsed from exhaustion.   Luckily I collected myself when I remembered the first rule of survival; “stop, think, don’t panic.”  Within a few minutes, I heard my friends yelling for me from the camp just 50 yards away.  I felt relieved and stupid all at once.

When I first was diagnosed with cancer Diane and I assumed it was a death sentence, so we went on a massive shopping spree, buying things we didn’t need with money we didn’t have.  Our rationale was let’s live it up;  life insurance would cover everything.  Then we found out I was actually going to live which massively screwed up the dying strategy.  “It’s a Wonderful Life” in reverse, but for two twenty year olds it made total sense at the time.  That was 35 years ago and I think we’re still paying off junk from Sears and Service Merchandise.  Getting cancer is like staring at the Woods, it’s looks safe from a distance, but often dangerous up close.  Hopefully you never get cancer, but if you do it’s natural to panic and run;  run in any direction to escape.  The problem with running without direction is that your illness is a part of you – it keeps in lockstep with you no matter where you go or how fast you run. So stop running; flailing about in all directions just makes it worse.  Instead think long term: pause everything, plan, and survive until you can see the road from the Woods.  Now all of that aside, if you’re ever in Florida and an alligator chases you, then don’t think, just run for your life, but run zig-zag like a betsy bug – you’re toast if you run straight.  Just sayin’.  Slainte.