My father was in the Battle of the Bulge with Patton’s 3rd Army. He was 20 at the time, went through a year of full combat, and was awarded the Bronze Star for Valor. He never said why he received it though. I tried looking up details on it, but the military records building in DC burned down in 1972. His war stories are not written down anywhere so my knowledge is limited to the little he mentioned. I got the sense his experience was too awful to talk about, so he couldn’t talk about it rather than he wouldn’t.
During my 1st cancer bout when I was 26 I would call home each Sunday to talk with my parents. My Dad would get on 1st then after about a minute he’d stop talking mid-sentence and get off the phone. My Mom would take over and say, “you’re Father’s too upset about you, so he can’t talk right now.” This routine happened every Sunday for about 4 months until I was in remission. It was an odd awakening for me; I was the one sick, but he was the one suffering. Although he didn’t say it, I felt he wanted to step in for me even though the Universe isn’t designed that way. His emotions were an eye opener knowing his combat experience; it dawned on me then that being a parent is a lot harder than children realize.
Decades passed when one summer I found myself driving Devin’s car to Notre Dame by myself one weekend. When I arrived we went to lunch and half way through Devin said, “Dad, I really appreciate you driving my car out here for me.” I grasped his hand without blinking and said, “Devin, I’d lay down my life for you; driving your car out here is no biggie for me.” We stared at each other for a couple of seconds and I know he wanted to say something more, but no words came out.
It’s unusual for Devin or me to be short on words; that moment reminded me of those silent Sundays with my Father when he wanted to say something, but couldn’t. Devin is now a father to his daughter Quinn and I see him look at her like his grandfather looked at me years ago. As parents we know too well about life’s difficulties which we want to protect our children from. I too would like to step in for Devin, Dillon, David, or now Quinn and take on those setbacks I know happen in life like war, illness, and disappointment. That’s not possible, but I can at least talk to them now and point out where life’s crooked paths straighten. It’s physically hard to talk about tough topics with family, but force yourself even if only a few words come out. Your quiet insight now will give them guiding light down the road when they’ll need it most. Slainte.
Pete,
Insightful food for the soul. Thank you.
Love this picture of your dad.
Stay well,
John
As always Pete, something to set me straight after I read your words.
Hi to Diane and the boys.
Jim
Jim, good morning! We are going to the Stanford and BC games. We have an annual cider fest in Ticonderoga 10/1, so maybe you can hoof it up from the city. Pete
October 1st…. Will clear the calendar… Will see if Elliott ( Sr) is available
Hi Pete, Your words are so true, especially for families who are somewhat reticent expressing feelings. Thanks for your weekly posts; I’ve shared with many. Stay strong and well! Kate
Kate, thanks for reading and commenting. Families come in all shapes, sizes and communication styles. Although the group may have historically been stoic, it doesn’t take much for one to change the dynamic. Marriages and children tend to mix things up a bit. Best, Pete
Great post- thank you for sharing 🍀
Thanks Grace; you’re boat looks dry still.
They say that silence is golden. I believe some things in life are better when shared quietly with feelings…no talkie. 😊 Nonverbal communication is a powerful thing and at times can speak much more loudly ~ more intense and meaningful than fumbling around with words. Many moments of love exist in what is left unsaid Mr. Pete. You are blessed. ❤️
Not being blessed with children I still know that Love we have for our parents and their Love for us ( all 11 of us ) I have a big family..Thank you again for your words..they are special to me.🍀💚🍀
Margi, knowing you personally I can quickly say you have a huge family of children; all ages and walks of life.
Pete
Beautifully written on the love parents have for their children. Often, only realized when you become a parent.
Paul, great to hear from you, as always. I hope the summer has been good for you. Pete
Thank you Peter
Pete,
Great post. When I do things for my sons and they thank me I look them in the eye and say, “you’re like a son to me”. It has become a thing.
On your dad’s history…look in the attic. All awards come with an award statement. If he kept it that will have the details.
Be well.
Tom
Tom, we have the medal and the honor certificate, but the Bronze Star group told me the notes for each recipient went up in flames. If you have other sources for me, I’d enjoy hunting them down. Best, Pete
I enjoy every post you write Pete and look forward to it every week. Thank you and God Bless
Scott, I’m glad you’re enjoying the posts – be sure to share them with whoever needs a lift. Best, Pete
Pete,
Thank you for sharing with me. I admire your Faith, and insight.
May God Bless you, and your family.
I appreciate you reading the posts; be sure to share them with whoever may need a lift. Best, Pete
Pete,
The Battle of the Bulge stories are out there if you were to look them up.
Your Dad did not want to share the sad part with you, his child. I, too, believe his experience was too awful to talk about, and he couldn’t rather than wouldn’t.
I understand your Dad getting off the phone during your call concerning cancer. His thought loosing a child is unbearable. I will share my experience of loosing a child. I have not shared this with my children. I lost a daughter at 3 months. She was buried on my 3rd Anniversary. The pain is unbearable. John was two years old at the time. i picked Anne Marie up from the crib, she was gone. The funeral, the grief is terrible. I did not share this with my children, John and Sue, (not born yet). If I didn’t have John, I would have lost my mind. He needed me, his mother to raise him. I agree we want to protect our children from the difficulties of life. I still try even though they are grown. John says Mother ( which he calls me when perturbed with me) “stop smothering” me.” I promised myself to try and stop this. I now pray for them. I am proud you can talk to your children to point out life’s crooked path do straighten. Your advise, and Faith (which you family gave you) are a blessing for you, and them. May God Bless you.
Anne, thank you for reading and commenting; I enjoy hearing your feedback. As you know, tough topics with loved ones are inherently more difficult than with friends or strangers. I’ve found that in really hard discussions you talk with loved one’s like a stranger than you can get the facts across easier. It’s not always tactful, but sometimes it works better. Be well, Pete
Wonderful words
God Bless
Valery,
Thanks for reading; share it with someone who needs a lift.
Pete
This is just awesome
What a wonderful post! So true, as a parent we’ll do anything to help… including changing places if the universe allowed! Take care and stay well Mr. Lawson!!!