Hello?

The best lessons on phone courtesy came from my oncologists, Dr. Mark Moskowitz and Steve Newman.  Whenever I’d have a tricky health question they’d call other doctors on their speaker phone right in front of me.  The amazing thing was the other doctors always picked up. That kind of call shows personal attention and respect on all fronts.  Phones are essential for communicating, but they’re also used for so many other functions that they’ve made us more stressed.   “My oven just sent me a notification that it needs cleaning.”  Although I couldn’t go completely without a phone; I’ve had a love-hate relationship with them over the years.  Ironically, the less I use it the less stressed I am.  No wonder I’m feeling healthier every day.

I never liked being put on a speaker phone since I didn’t know who was secretly listening in. One of my bosses, Steve Sutherlin, didn’t either.  He yelled from his office one day, “Hey Lawson, get in here,  I have a speaker phone call from Headquarters.”  He then launched into a Drill Sargent profanity laced tirade on the caller that would peel the varnish off a boat.  All the secret listeners dropped off but the main caller.   Zoom calls have since made it easier to identify callers, but scaring people off a call like that was fun while it lasted.  Likewise, I once had a doctor aggravate me so badly I smashed the phone down so hard it exploded.   I stormed out of the office with pieces of plastic keys and electric circuits stuck in my hair.  When I came back after lunch the repairman left a work order marked “FAILED IMPACT TEST.” That felt good for a moment, but I can’t imagine busting a phone now – how would I take selfies at the salon, give snarky Yelp reviews, or read emails written in Arabic that my Experian score changed?

Whether it’s a business meeting, dinner out, or a wedding- everyone is on their phones doing nothing. Trust me, your just not that important, especially guys in the Atlanta airport restroom making business calls on the phone at the urinal.  “Where are you?  It sounds like you’re white water rafting.”  Although we seem to be on the phone constantly we are connecting less.  The cable guy never lets you know he’s running late even though he’s busy texting his girlfriend and swiping through Tinder while driving.   Same thing with leaving voice messages; people call but don’t have time to leave a message; they just keep calling back until you answer.  Trust me it takes a lot more time to call five different times then just leaving one three second message.  Besides, I got rid of my pager in 1996.

Phone calls were once great for conveying important messages or even intimacy, but now they’re just a nuisance like junk mail.  For the longest time I was on the phone constantly 24-7 both calling and receiving while getting nothing done – only jacking up my stress level.  That pace was getting the best of me, so I started leaving the phone at home and discovered the world continued on without me.  I’m less stressed, feel better, and believe if people really want to talk with me then they’ll call back.  The problem is I don’t know what they want ’cause they’re not leaving messages.  Slainte.