Impatience

Someone once said patience is a virtue, but I’ve never had much time to think about it. Patience is a directive that’s easy to give to other people, but not yourself. It’s so much easier to tell someone else to be patient, but then blare your horn at the car ahead of you. “Do as I say, not as I do”  was my father’s mantra.  Most of the time patience improves as you age, but I regularly meet old people who are in a hurry going no where.  Maybe they sense the sand in their hour glass is running out, so they might as well cut ahead of everyone in line.  Patience is important in healthcare, because there are zillions of variables at play you don’t control.  I’m one of the best patients on earth since I’ve worked in healthcare a long time and I understand how things work and go wrong.  My family and friends think I’m nonchalant, but I’m pretty patient about really serious issues.  Keep that in mind when you’re a patient in the health care space, getting impatient about your place in the queue doesn’t improve your care.  Improving your patience goes hand in hand with understanding your situation better and putting yourself in other people’s shoes, most of the time.

My mother in law Joan Petro’s middle name was Impatience, even though she was constantly ordering people on her porch to relax.  Although it seemed she was closer to God than Jesus, patience was not her virtue.  Her sin was a daily routine set in stone.  Coffee and the cross word puzzle at 7:00 AM, lunch at noon, and dinner at 5:00 PM, hell or high water.  One summer I was grilling chicken for dinner and didn’t fire up the grill until a little before five.  Right after I closed the lid, I turned around, and there was Joan with a plate, napkin, and utensils in hand.  “I’m ready for my chicken!”  I said, “the only thing ready about this chicken is salmonella.”  She looked like the gates to Heaven were slammed in her face when I told her to come back in an hour.  Being too patterned in your life only increases your stress and limits your patience, so add some flexibility to your life and your patience will expand some.

I take great pride in being patient with all things and all people, but occasionally I unwind like a tightly coiled spring.  I’m not a saint by any means.  One morning I was traveling from Dallas to Louisville for an early morning presentation.  I tried to get cash out of the ATM, but a hold got put on it by Wells Fargo.  I used my last dollar to pay the cab driver then tried to take cash out of my Capital One credit card.  Capital One denied the withdrawal since I was out of town.  I called the customer hotline to get a solution and they said they hold the account when a cash withdrawal is made, but they would re-open it for me.  I hung up, tried a withdrawal, and it was denied.  I called Capital One back for what gives and they said it takes 24 hours to reset the hold.  At this point my plane was boarding, so I had to hang up.

The lady asked me “is there anything else I can do for you today?”

ME:  “You haven’t done anything for me yet today, I’m hanging up.”

She asked again the same question so I said, “Yes, quit asking if you can help me with anything, I’m hanging up.”

Regardless, she asked one more time, “Is there anything I can do for you today?”

The spring sprung at that point.  I said, “Yeah, you can help me today.  When I get back this afternoon to Dallas I won’t have any cash to get a ride to my hotel.  Before I get in at 5:00 PM could you go around the office with a hat, collect fifty bucks, and meet me at baggage claim with the cash?”

She said “I’m sorry I can’t help you with that.”

ME:  “Then quit $%)@&# asking me if you can help me today.”

That unhinged response permanently banned me from the Capital One Customer Hall of Fame so you’ll never see it on a TV commercial featuring Jennifer Garner.  What’s in your wallet?  Obviously, nothing.  Patience is a virtue, but sometimes the machinery of inconvenience makes life so difficult the only remedy is a loud, obnoxious verbal explosion that would peel the varnish off a boat.  Clearly, I need to focus on other virtues.  Slainte.