Cataract surgery used to be a week stay in the hospital; hip implants were 10 days. My mom claimed she stayed in the hospital for weeks after I was born; with me she was more than likely having buyer’s remorse. Before advanced imaging was developed surgeons performed “exploratory surgery”; that’s like cutting you open just to take a peek. I have an 18 inch trophy scar showcasing one of those tours. Advances in technology have improved healthcare by eliminating things we just don’t need anymore. The same is true of office tools like typewriters, carbon paper, and rotary phones. Cell phones with caller ID killed off the rotary phone, but unfortunately crank calls went with it.
We didn’t have cable TV or internet when I grew up, so our main entertainment was making crank calls to random people and local businesses. One Christmas I asked Santa for a Montgomery Wards reel to reel tape recorder complete with a telephone microphone. It was one thing to call and hang up, but quite another to replay it for hours on end. A favorite target was my Grandmother Gertrude Lawson. Why she believed a 6th grader sounded like an adult wanting to rent an apartment from her is a mystery to me. The next best was the local AM Radio Station WIPS that begged you to call them with their verbal classified’s on Swap Shop and a daily riddle called “Dutchy’s Minute Mystery.” Swap Shop was perfect for crank calls – my brother Mark pretended he was my cousin Danny King selling a pet 15 foot Burmese python needing a good home and “Tony Kolysko” put his friend Tom Corbo up for sale once. Dutchy’s Minute Mystery, however, was the beginning of the end to our phone excursions. One morning we were eating breakfast before school, listening to all the wrong answers on the radio coming in, when a 4th grader voice got on the air and asked, “Was it a piece of shit?” My Dad lowered the paper, looked over his glasses and stammered, “Where’s your brother Chris?”
That’s how we rolled during the 1973 Christmas vacation until one night my father walked into the living room still dressed in his over coat and announced, “The FCC called the law office today and said our phone lines have been tapped because of all the crank phone calls coming from this house.” Being children of an attorney well trained in depositions we just looked at him without any expression one way or another. Thanks to your tax dollars at work supporting the FCC, the era of crank calls in Ticonderoga came to a crashing halt long before caller ID.
Now a days, however, I am very thankful for all the advances in medicine, especially cancer care. Devin says my tombstone will read, “Here lies Pete Lawson, a living breathing science experiment.” It has a nice ring to it, but Bud Dickerson promised me in high school he would put my ashes in a Molson bottle and throw it at a road sign. I’m not sure how I’m going to hold him to that task given he’ll know its me calling. Well, it’s nicer than calling the butcher and asking him if he has pigs feet. (“You better put some shoes on then”). Slainte.
Unfortunately, (at least for those who received our calls) you were mot the only ones making crank calls. My friends and I made many as did a cousin when he was at our house on Montcalm St. He would call a taxi to the Tower of Pizza. Watch for ten minutes after saw taxi artive and then call and complain that they never showed up. Your post is hilarious. Love your description of your Dad at the breakfast table (especially as I can actually “picture him”)putting down his paper and asking “Where’s Chris?” Then the FCC. Too funny. The Molson bottle, pig’s feet…..hilarious. I believe Chris was in my brother Dennis’s class and close friends. Have a puc of them at graduation. Take care. God bless.
Louann, Chris and Dennis were certainly partners in crime on phone calls and other adventures. Pete
Peter, you’ve reminded me of all the joys that rotary phone brought. It was so fun listening to Patty Rowe talk to her friends, sometimes getting away with listening, sometimes getting caught, having to call and apologize as punishment for breaking party line rules. A piano bench, a rotary phone, a pen and some paper was my office for all the “business” I was conducting on the days I stayed home from school.
And the prank calls…….so, so much fun. Whether I was Mrs. Griswold, or bothering my dad at work, calling the operator for the correct time, or just being silent in order to hear the boy’s voice that I liked!
Those anonymous days❤️
Miss you and wish you well,
Shari
Shari, it sounds like you had a pretty thorough process on making calls; I’m humbled. Best to you and Jim. Pete
We made friends with an elderly lady by crank calling her. Aggie on Mossy point. We then would ride bikes to her place and have picnic’s. All from misdemeanor shenanigans.
Lorna, that’s an unexpected nice outcome to a crank call. You didn’t mention all the others. I hope you are well. Pete
Great as always ANGELS WATCHING OVER YOU AND DIANE
Great seeing you today. Always enjoy these. God Bless Coach
Coach, it was a surprise for me as well. Great to see you and Godspeed in your next steps. Faith, Family, and modern medicine. Pete
Another great one Pete! The ending was perfect! Thanks
Scott, I wasn’t sure if some people would get the comment on pigs feet, so I had to add a little to it. Pete
Good times! 😂
Great blog..made me smile. I remember those crank call days and also stretching the kitchen phone cord down the basement steps for privacy, haha! Thanks for bringing back memories.
Jane, trying to have a private conversation was an act of God especially if you were on a party line. Pete
This made me smile, your poor parents 😂.
Shelly, it made them better people. Cheers. Pete
Even the Number on the Phone is Correct, Thanks Pete!!
Mickey, that’s still on the garage wall; I’m afraid to pick up the receiver and hear a dial tone. Pete
This brought back many great memories! A laugh in the AM is great!
Mary, almost as good as coffee. I saw Walt on TV the other day; Hollywood is calling. Pete
Do you have Prince Albert in the can? Better let him out before he suffocates! Love the fun of prank calls and party lines!!! Love watching the young generation trying to figure out how a rotary phone works!!! Thanks for the laugh this morning!!! Stay well and hope to see y’all soon!!!
Fran, I always laugh when I see Prince Albert tobacco behind the Publix customer service desk. Pete
Good Afternoon Ma’am, “Is your refrigerator running?” “Why, yes it is!” “Then you better go catch it🤣” My crank calls were a bit elementary. Funny memories 🍀 Great post.
Grace, the funny thing was people always answered the phone since you got so few calls – it had to be important. Pete
Pete Lawson, I love your stories!! I think about some crank calls I made and can’t believe that I was that bad. Haha This is definitely a favorite!
Shelley, I made a call to someone recently about catching a shark while sleeping on the sofa; funny. Pete