Scribbling Out Regrets

As year end nears we start thinking about changes that could’ve been made while looking back.  Trust me, I’ve had plenty of Sunday mornings waking with a splitting head ache thinking, “did I really do that last night?” Without a doubt I regretted them and apologized.  I’m not like a politician, however, traveling around on a nationwide groveling tour.  Instead, I apologize once and mean it.  We don’t, however, do the same with personal health.  Yes, we re-assess our bad habits, regret them, but rationalize why it’s too late to change course.  Its so much easier to dwell on regrets especially if you find other people who have the same ones. 

“God, I wish rock gut bourbon didn’t taste so good.”

 “I’ll drink to that!”  

Although genetics has a hand in it, our chosen lifestyle effects our health the most.   Skin cancer? I have so many scars Diane thinks makeup might be in order for Dillon and Carly’s wedding this weekend.  That’s a hard no.  Sure, I bring joy to my dermatologist year round, but the die was cast 40 years ago when I moved to the Sunshine State.  At this point I can’t regret living here all this time, but I can at least have a skin check every three months.  The same goes for living with other regrets; make your amends and move on, quit dwelling on them.

In business I’ve made a spectrum of mistakes over the years, nothing catastrophic, but enough of them which I vowed not to repeat.  I also took the risk to speak my peace on tough issues which I easily could have regretted, but said so anyway purely on principle.  Years ago a company I worked for didn’t make its Wall Street goals so the goal posts on our bonuses got moved after the season ended, haircutting eveyone’s paychecks.  When my boss presented me my minor pittance, the equivalent of Clark Griswold’s Jelly of the Month Club, I told him “I’m not accepting it, keep the check, you clearly need it more than me.”  That should have ended my career, but instead it emboldened me to stick up for myself and people who worked for me forever more.  It would be nice if all our regrets ended so well, but unfortunately they’re too tied up in conflicting emotions.

Like health, the most challenging regrets are with our families.  Too often we say the wrong things during emotional moments which ultimately stick sand burrs in our hearts that are hard to pull out.  Unfortunately, pride and humility are powerful dividing forces that keep families separated even without scorecards.  Whether it was with my parents, Diane, or my children, however, I’ve always made it a point to apologize first even if I thought I was right.  As much as it smarts to admit being wrong, I don’t want to be “right” and lonely.  Besides, you only need a .300 batting average to get in the Baseball Hall of Fame, so don’t be shy to take a swing at it.   Christmas is the season of perpetual hope, so this season I hope you take proactive steps and amend whatever riffs cast long shadows over your homes.  You’ll be surprised how quickly those old wounds heal over without regret.  Just remember to apologize with the same passion that got you side ways with love ones in the first place. Misremembering or conditional apologies will all but guarantee you a lump of coal in your stocking Christmas morning. Slainte.