The Final Word

Pete Lawson22 Comments on The Final Word

What will be the final word said about you?  What will people say and who will say it?  Ultimately it’s not for you, but those still listening.  Few people write their final words; most people don’t even have wills for God’s sake, let alone the perfect ending from a movie script.  Some people have bridges named after them, others sterling resumes; but those highlights are all soon forgotten.  What lasts is not what you want said, but instead the stories told by people who remember you.

My Dad was a small town lawyer who covered a lot of bases – DWI’s, divorces, child welfare, nuclear terrorism, you name it.  A lot of his work was wills and estates.  One client was an iron fisted priest.  When he passed away my Dad said the guy had in his files a sealed Manila envelope with very specific final instructions like banning  all the nuns from the burial service along with giving cash to a far right political group.  My Dad, being a little irreverent (where did that come from?) told me he did the opposite of the instructions; like he invited all the nuns to the burial complete with VIP seating and pocketed the $100 political contribution.  So much for your final words being followed.

No one likes public speaking especially at a funeral.  Growing up I never liked the Catholic version since usually the priest didn’t even know the deceased so the eulogy ended up a generic paragraph.  Southern Baptists, however, always get it right though.  Family members, friends, mistresses, you name ‘em, get up and say some words of true meaning about the deceased.  Over the last many years I’ve given a few eulogies for close family.  For me it’s an important, but difficult task.  Getting up there and not babbling like a fool is challenging; but summing up a person’s entire life in 10 minutes or less is more daunting.  The best way for me has been to avoid the resume and instead tell a story ending with what their version of Heaven looks like.  Diane’s Mom, Joan Petro, was a character in her own right.  We tell a lot of funny stories around the camp fire about Joan’s eye pokes aimed at  people walking past her porch.  That flaw aside, she loved literature and she loved the downtrodden.  Tom Joad’s final words in “The Grapes of Wrath” made Joan’s eulogy easy.  Your resume is meaningless; it’s not your big words, but the small things you did that people remember best about you.  Slainte.

22 Comments

  5. ☘ Part of my good fortune is that some folks, students mostly, have said things that matter to me. There have been kind, funny, and well observed remarks…One kid even dressed as me for Halloween…One has given me a favorite nickname…
    I hope my wishes won’t be entirely ignored…I’ve had too much of that sort of “waiting” already… As always I shall remain curious and observant, even on the way out… 😉💛🕊😀

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  7. “A character in her own right” Yup. That was Joan.

    I can only hope that someone will have as fond a memory of me, as I do of those who have gone before.

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  9. When I think of memories and funny stories, I can’t wait for your next update and expect some reference to great St Patty’s.
    Be well my friend.

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  10. It was a healing balm for me to write and deliver my mom’s eulogy. What an honor to remember her with the people who loved her most. I won’t say I enjoyed it, but I was glad to do it.

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  16. And no one has done better eulogies for his family than you have done. A very fitting essay for you to have written!

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    1. I remember my teenage son and I holding hands during the Our Father at St. Patrick’s in Port Henry. After mass Joan (who I have since found out I was related to through my Mom) tapped me on the shoulder and said, “I can tell you and your son have a special bond.” I was very touched and nevet forgot that❤️

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