Second Opinions

Opinions are everywhere, we can’t escape them – you get them on TV, the internet, newspapers, strangers.  The absolute worst opinions come from strangers; especially when you didn’t ask for them.  True also of healthcare, except you’re asking for a doctor’s opinion which you normally accept at face value.  In big decisions like major surgery and complicated medical treatments, however, get a second opinion, sometimes a third.  No matter what the opinion is you still need to decide which final direction to take.  I asked my oncologist once about my treatment planning and said, “what would you do?”  He responded, “You’re decision is not about me; it’s about you.”  Opinions, however, are pressed upon us more so then ever.  Don’t agree with every opinion that comes your way; your resistance may keep you in the mix more than you realize.

Years ago on New Years Eve we had arrived back from Christmas to the Ft. Myers airport which was a zoo.  Everyone was in a rush to get their luggage and scoot out of the airport.  An old man in front of me almost got mowed over by another old man not paying attention to the traffic.  I pulled our SUV around by the baggage claim while Diane and the boys dragged out enough luggage to fill a box car.   I’m working like a fiend jamming the bags in as fast as I could when out of the blue I heard this screaming from the curb.  Two women were yelling at me, “Your car is in the cross walk; your car is in the crosswalk!”  I looked down and the back tire was barely touching the paint. Normally I ignore opinions from strangers, but this fine day a tightly wound spring sprung in my head.  I put the bags down, marched around the car to the curb, and yelled at the top of my lungs, “will you shut the #@%& up….”  I felt great, but it seemed like the entire Ft. Myer’s airport froze in time coupled with a loud LP record scratch.  One of their husbands came out with a tray of Starbuck’s coffee, heard my blast, and immediately went back inside.  I’m sure he was cheering for me privately out of earshot from his obnoxious wife.  I still get hugs from people down here when I tell that story around the campfire.

Not all opinions need to be resisted in such a violent matter, but you should carefully weigh everything you hear.  In early 2004 I had a lump under my jaw which I asked my doctor to examine.  He had practiced a long time and I liked him personally, so when he told me he thought it was just an inflamed salivary gland I was elated and accepted his opinion without blinking.  Months later, however, the lump was still there except bigger, so I insisted that it get biopsied.  Well, low and behold, it’s not a blocked salivary gland but Stage IV Lymphoma.  That was the hardest punch in the gut I’d ever had, so without fan fare, I got a second opinion, changed oncologists and ultimately recovered after a ton of chemo and radiation.  All of that may have been avoided if I had questioned the diagnosis.

My family and friends were livid while demanding the proverbial pound of flesh with a lawsuit over the misdiagnosis.  I know too well, however,  the strain of lawsuits even when you’re the plaintiff.  Although their opinion was true, I felt it was more important to focus on recovery than retribution.  My choice not to go down the lawsuit path wasn’t a popular one with my peeps, but it removed a stressful response that may have short circuited my recovery.  I took it one step further.  That Easter as part of my Lenten sacrifice I forgave my former doctor for the mis-read and moved on with my life.  Sometimes we are given opinions that seem perfectly clear because of the stature of the person delivering it or the size of the mob marching.  Step back from it all for a moment.  Don’t worry about how the small chips fall in front of you, but for the big ones, pause and get another opinion, it can be a life saver.  Slainte.